Check my Desire

While I am waiting for my international coaching certification result which should be known around these 7-10 days, I found some kind of anxiety behaviors in my daily actions, such as checking email more frequently than normal; strong desire to expect email from IAC so whichever the sender's address is similar to IAC draws my heart-beat; day-dreaming that I could get passed..........

Isn't it strange that a person will have some adnormal thoughts and behaviours when she is in strong desire of something that she feels important at that time. I'll like to capture more about myself in this status.

I began to ask myself:

• What makes you such up and down emotions and behaviours? - Because I want to be certified.
• Why is the certification so important to you? - It means a result of my effort spent in the past years and also a confirmation of my coaching standard reaches the masterful level that recognized in a worldwide status.
• Is the certification the only way for you to feel fulfilled in your effort and high standard requirement? - Yes and No. In the coaching profession, either ICF or IAC certification is the highest honor. I may also say No because even I cannot get certified this time, I will still go on trying as I have already passed Test 1 and half of Test 2. That means I am very very close to the certification. Of course, I know where my standard is as I am already within the group of master coaches and they want earnestly for my coaching to them too.
• Then, why there is still anxiety within you? - Because I know if I am failed, I need to spend another 3-4 months to have it tried again or completed. On the other hand, it may because of my pride that I feel I could pass.
• What Would Jesus Do ? - Well, I think Jesus is already a masterful teacher, coach and etc. He does not require any form of certification to bind his good will in walking with people for their salvation. I could not compare with Him. Yet, I would like to think what I can learn from Him. ..............Jesus' motive all comes from his submissive to God's Big Plan and His loving heart to people.
• What does it mean to you? - I got to understand what is God's plan for me. If this is within His plan, He will definitely let me equip with what is required. Then, may be what I can handle within myself is to check whether I have a loving heart as Jesus does. I found whether there is a loving within me is not seeing from my professional status and my work but I am as a person in whole which includes my thoughts, my passion, my behaviors, my dreams........
• So, What would you like to do now? - I feel I need to go back to my quiet time with God, to listening to his whisper of wisdom and love to me. Only through that I could learn in the way of Jesus does and resemble his foot print in loving people. I, suddenly feel a burden of anxiety of wanting to get passed is not much an big issue to me now. I feel peace in heart. Amen!

Then, when you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. (Proverbs 2:5-6)

I got the passed notification on 26th March. Now, I am titled Coach Bonnie IAC-CC . Thanks to God.